“Perform for me…”

By: Sammy B. Tyrrell 

I stand here… guitar at the ready… microphone pressed against my lips, and for just a moment the light disappears from the room. I am instantly reminded of the journey. It’s profound. It’s haunting. Hindsight is 20/20 “they” say… is it truly 20/20 or is it shitty/shitty?! Funny thing is when I look back at the tapestry of experiences I find equal parts of love and judgment. I look behind to explore every step. Rumination in full effect unpacking each second, revealing more steps – realizing that it is already done, all I can do now is step up to the mic and carry on.

Am I thoughtless, robotic, do you see me lost inside the deepest parts of my heart? Love me, love me, please love me! 

You see I was always  the “performer”. Man, could I wow them. Words were my miracle, even though I couldn’t spell them, and music was my safe space even though I couldn’t read it. But this song I’m about to sing isn’t for your entertainment – this is a soul song crafted in desperation and performed in hast to heal the child inside. 

I’ll sing, and you’ll hear it as sweet music, I’ll smile, I’ll dance, I’ll strum this guitar with every ounce of humanity inside me, you may stand in ovation when I’m finished but, I’ll spend every second of this precious time in deep connection – parent and child, letting this brilliant little person inside know that they will never have to perform again. You are love, you are loved, please you are loved! 

Martin Luther once said, “My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary.” So, do you feel solaced yet? Or are you still dancing inside sick and weary? For me this dance is a constant one. Healing is not linear, and the music must go on. The notes they fill me – with every cord I go deeper, with every cord I mend a broken piece. 

We’re picking up the pace now, as the essence of folk rock fills the room. Permeating. You are love, you are loved, please you are loved!  Do you think it needs more cowbell?! Please, be serious, don’t put up the walls, don’t make it funny, return to the essence… you are love, you are loved, please you are loved! The notes are electric, and the healing continues… you are love, you are loved, please you are love! 

Do you hear that? We are not alone anymore, no, this is no solo act, we are joined eternally a duet. Two voices, two minds, two hearts, two guitars, and one path. The sound bellows filling every space in the room. The message loud and clear for all to receive you are love, you are loved, please you are loved! 

These duetting guitars strum in perfect harmony and with every strum true synergy with every strum another empty space is filled… another broken piece is healed. You are love, you are loved, please you are loved! 

The music continues to build the duetting guitars like shapeshifters now begin to sound like harps. Do you hear it? Heavenly harps. Worship music. Your soul song for that little person you love so much who lives deep inside you. God is with you, Glory to God, spiritually dancing the perfect ballroom blitz - right by your side the song of sick and weary becoming an anthem, a ballet, a dedication, no a birth… your midwife the music is unstoppable and your heart at full, overflowing refreshed and solaced. You are love, you are loved, please you are loved! 

Then silence. The music complete, at least for this song. And here we are breath heavy laden air thick with progress. Your past a bit further away now, your present elastic – you are love, you are loved, please you are loved! What’s that you hear?! The standing ovation you expected but, the applause and cheers are dim… and pale in comparison to the healing light, the super nova and bliss you feel. Your healing continues your duet ongoing, your glory to God, your soul unending. You are love, you are loved, please you are loved! 

The stage lights dim, the microphone wet with the success of your latest growth. You are healing, you are the person that God intended you to be, you are building, you are brilliant, you are not performing. You are love, You are loved, please you are loved! 

The curtains lower and your heart opens. The music has done its work, and you are one step closer to perfect peace, one step closer to full acceptance, one step closer to God. You are love, you are loved, please you are loved!